A First Encounter with Sayagyi U Ba Khin
Friedgard Lottermoser (also known as Daw Onmar Khin and later Venerable Akincina) was a meditation practitioner and scholar. She passed away on August 8, 2024 from an aggressive cancer of unknown origin. Born in Germany in 1942, Friedgard grew up in the challenging post-war years. Her life took a transformative turn in 1959 when her stepfather was sent to Burma by Fritz Werner, a German company involved in the set-up of armament factories. This move sparked a deep connection with Burmese culture, language, and Buddhism. Friedgard was among the very few foreigners who had the opportunity to deeply integrate into Burmese society at that time. She became a dedicated student of Sayagyi U Ba Khin at the International Meditation Centre (IMC) in Rangoon, where she experienced advanced stages of Vipassana meditation. She also studied under Webu Sayadaw and Maha Gandayone Sayadaw, and earned a master’s degree in Pali from the University of Mandalay. After leaving Burma in 1971, she played a key role in helping the global spread of Vipassana meditation in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin, collaborating with early Western teachers such as Ruth Dennison and John Coleman. Later in life, she became a strong advocate for gender equality in Buddhism, particularly the revival of the bhikkhuni order, and a vocal supporter of democracy and resistance against Myanmar’s military rule.
“I do remember my very first sitting, how Sayagyi U Ba Khin taught me ānāpāna. He was busy, but he taught me. He said, ‘You sit there cross-legged in a comfortable position and then you watch your breathing. Breathing, breathing; watching, watching. But nothing else. Only watch this.’ Then he went off.”
“I learned Burmese from the from the servants first and then I discovered free Burmese instruction at the Ramakrishna Mission in central Rangoon. So, I went there and we learned the letters. I remember the first letters; they were all circles. While I went to this class at Ramakrishna Mission in the month of March, I saw this Shwedagon pagoda on the way back. It was getting dark.
And then I remembered that, when we first came, U Ba Khin invited us to visit his center. It was the full moon of November, it is Tazaungdaing, Light Festival. We visited in the evening. My parents received a printed invitation, ‘on the occasion of the full moon light festival,’ to Inya Myaing 31 A, International Meditation Centre. On that occasion, my parents promised they would take the [meditation] course but my mother said, ‘I have to learn more English.’ She was very weak in English.
Afterwards, when we got settled in Rangoon, we had forgotten about it. In March, I remembered it. ‘Oh, Shwedagon Full Moon Meditation Course.’ They had told me when the course is, the first Friday of every month. I realized, ‘This is the beginning of March, and today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday and the meditation starts.’ While in the car, I asked the driver, Maung Shwe, ‘Do you remember where we went when we were new here? We went to this meditation center. Do you know where it is?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ Then I said, ‘Can you find it? I want to go there before you take me home.’
He went to the Inya Myaing through these lanes. At that time, I didn't know how to go back there, but the driver knew. I came there; I walked up. I was by myself. Walking up, it was already dark but early in the evening. I saw two people sitting there, two ladies. I said, ‘Well, is it the meditation course starting tomorrow?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I want to come.’
They looked at me and said, ‘Yes. Oh, yes. You can come. But are you coming alone?’ I said "Yes. Can I not come alone?’ Then they said, ‘Well, you’d better ask at home whether someone else from the family comes along with you.’ Apparently, they thought I was quite young to pop up there by myself alone. Which of course, I didn't think I was very young. You know, like teenagers are. So, I finished this, about tomorrow, we start the meditation course. I went down. The driver took me home, and people were sitting at the supper in our house. I said, ‘Well, I've been to this meditation center, and tomorrow, the meditation is starting. I want to go and they asked me to please request of you whether any one of you wants to come or not.’
My father said, ‘Tomorrow I have to work.’ My younger sisters didn't know anything about it, because they hadn't been on the invitation. My parents took only me. And then my mother said, ‘Well, we made a promise and I think my English is still not very good, but it won't get much better because I've already been here several months.’ So, my mother decided she would come. The next morning, we went in a hurry, quite unprepared. And we started with meditation. I must say our first acquaintance was Burma, as a country, it was simply wonderful and exciting.
…
I do remember my very first sitting, how U Ba Khin taught me and ānāpāna [-sati]. He was busy; he taught me. He said, ‘You sit there cross-legged in a comfortable position and then you watch your breathing. Breathing, breathing; watching, watching.’ But nothing else. Only watch this.’ Then he went off. And apparently, he left, because he went to the office. I started to sit in my cave and in that cell. [demonstrates loud, vigorous breathing through the nose]. That is how I practiced ānāpāna in my first attempt. Then, after all, the door was open, there was a woman there. I didn't know. She didn't speak any English, but she put her finger on her mouth and had this hard breathing. And she shook her head, and her hand. And then she repeated, to make very soft breathing [demonstrates the sound of quiet breathing]. That was Mother Sayama, telling me that I was [hyper-]ventilating. When I didn't even know the word ventilation!
So, I continued in this quiet thing. And that was the first day. I did this for several days. I think on day four, the normal day, U Ba Khin gave me vipassanā. But I knew that he gave vipassanā to my mother later. Even before he gave it to her, he's called the two of us. He said, ‘Well, I have already told you how to do the vipassanā meditation, but your mother's development is not too far gone yet. I want to teach her. But apparently there is some difficulty. Please explain to her how you practice vipassanā meditation.’ We were standing under the Bodhi tree, our backs leaning on the little railing there, and U Ba Khin standing opposite.
And I was sitting on this little wall that was there, and my mother also. Our two bare arms were matching, because we were wearing short-sleeved jackets. My arm was touching my mother's arm. And my body, I felt anicca very strongly all in my body, but particularly in the arms, like ants crawling. Of course, the teacher is close by; so, his influence was also there. I said to my mother, ‘Well, you do the vipassanā, and anicca, anicca, anicca, but when you get this slight feeling, a slight feeling, then it becomes very prominent, like now!’ I said to her. Because I could feel in my arm. My mother held her arm, looked at me, and said, ‘I feel nothing.’ Because it's her arm. So, my arm, my mind, I could feel the change in the arm. But my mother wasn't that; so, you can't transfer the feeling of anicca to another person.
She was eventually given it a little later. That is, of course, my surmise. Her difficulty was that she was already influenced by the Anthroposophy. That is a different teaching. She had to practice a little more of concentration. Then I made good progress. After the ten days were over, U Ba Khin said, ‘Well. If you stay a few days longer, maybe three or four days, next week, we have a special holiday, and it will be very good for your meditation. You will profit very greatly.’ My mother said, ‘Oh, no, but it is my husband's birthday. I want to be with him.’ So, she went back after ten days.
I thought, ‘Well, my stepfather will have another birthday next year. I think I will continue with my meditation and see what the teacher thinks I can achieve in the next four days. So I stayed on. And during these special days, I had this experience that they described. It was very brief, but it made a lot of difference. It is so, even that you cannot describe it. You have to have a witness, actually, a person who can estimate what actually happens in the spiritual field. Goenka tried to teach it at the beginning; I've heard that from other Indian disciples. Then, he was instructed by the disciples of U Ba Khin, and maybe by U Ba Khin himself - I don't know - not to do that in India, because the environment wasn't right. Later on, he only talked about it very vaguely, as the ‘Nibbānic dip’ [samāpatti].
Sometimes, in the long courses he was teaching, ‘As you practice, naturally, you sometimes have an experience like that. But in U Ba Khin’s case, it was more definite. Because amongst the more important, the more advanced students, even in the ten-day courses, in every course, there were a few. At least one or two or so.”