A Cosmic Egg that will Rock your World: Vipassana Courses in the Tradition of S.N. Goenka
Jonathan Crowley extensively practiced Vipassana meditation at Dhamma Dhara in Massachusetts, where he discoveredthe transformative nature of the practice. As a volunteer, he engaged in various roles at the meditation center, seeking to integrate his deepening practice with everyday life. Jonathan's journey led him to consider the societal impact of meditation, particularly in terms of social justice and its potential to reform communities. You can hear his full conversation on our recent podcast discussion.
“And in some ways, that’s the way that Goenka’s courses and retreats are talked about. It’s like there’s an expectation you’re going to go in; you’re going to contact a level of impermanence that’s going to rock your world, you know?”
“That began to then occur kind of writ large while living at the center. So, I would sort of come in and out of those experiences in succession. And I began to become more used to the sense of uprooting. As I experienced different levels of even my own consciousness, different levels of my mind, and thought, ‘Okay.’ Or as I experienced profound moments of peace or disturbing aspects of my mind as well. I remember there was a time when I was on retreat, then and looking at the wall, the patterns of the wall, they began to move and they started to form these kind of negative impressions on the wall. I thought, ‘Oh, my God, am I going crazy here? How do I snap out of it?’ But I can also see that was part and parcel of the process of breaking down structures of my ego, of my perceptions, of even my emotions, right across the board.
So, yeah, there is this uprooting, you could say, in even disturbing, destabilizing way. And yet, it brings you to these depths, right? It brings you to these insights. It brings you to these with time, and, of course, sometimes it does take time to integrate it, and digest it. But the process of living in the center allowed me to do this in succession, and to get used to that process of entering into this uprooting. And in some ways, that's the way that Goenka’s courses and retreats are talked about. It's like there's an expectation you're going to go in; you're going to contact a level of impermanence that's going to rock your world, you know? And disturb it, and come to new insights as a result of it. Right? Sometimes that can be temporarily, psychologically disturbing or unsettling. And it could take time to integrate.
There were some times I would come off courses, and it would take time. But I was doing these in succession. Even volunteering as a server on the courses, you're undergoing some of that, as well. Even though you're in a position of facilitating that for others, to some degree, you're also still undergoing that yourself. It's a kind of paradox. There's a lot of structure, and yet that structure is allowing you to, in some ways, crack the cosmic egg or slip, slip through the cracks to the basement of your being. And to be in that basement, do that deep work, then come back, extrovert back up. Then integrate into the world as best you can. And hopefully, that is successful, as you integrate insights or deeper realities, deeper truths within you.”