Jonathan Crowley, Part 6
"My hope is that [these conversations can] engender more critical examination, and [provide] allowances and permissions without being a threat. Because I think I experienced that—being considered a threat so much while I was in the organization. But I wouldn't be where I am today without going to this tradition. I am fully and wholeheartedly established in the path of Dhamma because of Goenka."
This is Jonathan Crowley's sixth time on the podcast. In the past five conversations, he has shared various themes regarding his evolving relationship with the Vipassana organization in the tradition of SN Goenka. Those discussions highlighted his experiences as a committed practitioner and assistant teacher, as well as the challenges he faced within the organization. Key topics included the organization's rigid insistence on the “purity” of the technique, the lack of engagement with social issues such as racism, and the struggle to balance strict practice requirements with the complexities of lay life. Jonathan also shared his reflections on the importance of maintaining openness and inclusivity, while critically examining institutional shortcomings. We encourage listeners to check out these previous conversations.
In this installment, Jonathan focuses on the conflicts that eventually led him to step away from the organization. He describes how, over time, several issues emerged that shook his faith, and eventually stopped him from continuing in the tradition. One of the major threads concerns Jonathan's critique of the Organization's failure to adequately address structural racism.
This reflected a particular concern in the United States at that time, sparked by the widespread protests and a renewed focus on racial justice following the murder of George Floyd. Many organizations, including those in spiritual communities, became sensitized to their role in perpetuating systemic inequalities, revisiting their policies and procedures. However, while some spiritual organizations took bold steps to address racial inequities, the Goenka tradition remained silent and unresponsive. This inaction was deeply troubling to Jonathan and his wife, Carolyn. They drafted a letter to the Organization’s North American Acharyas (senior teachers) board to initiate a much-needed dialog on the organization's role in addressing racial conditioning and how it could evolve to better serve all practitioners.
Jonathan recalls the hope and anxiety they felt while writing this letter, believing that his seniority and close relationships could help instigate change. It was a bold and direct appeal for change. It began with a hypothetical message they wished the Organization had sent to all old students in the tradition—acknowledging systemic racism and committing to take active steps against it. This served as the groundwork for their proposal, which pleaded for a genuine commitment to change. They called for transparency, concrete actions, and the establishment of an anti-racism task force to help the organization become more inclusive and responsive to the needs of students of color. The letter also cited passages from the suttas, highlighting that addressing social injustices like racism is in line with the Dhamma they are charged with disseminating at their meditation centers. Jonathan points out that the principle of Right Action, one of the components of the Noble Eightfold Path, urges individuals to act in ways that promote the welfare of all beings. He emphasizes that the Buddha himself spoke out against the social injustices of his time, adding that a full Dhamma practice should involve engaging with and addressing the suffering in society. Noting how the Buddha challenged the existing caste system of his day, Jonathan feels the Goenka tradition’s reluctance to address modern social injustices was particularly incongruent with the foundational values of Buddhism. Here he makes references to the role of compassion (karuna), a central tenet of the Path that emphasizes the alleviation the suffering of others. To Jonathan, confronting systemic injustice is an essential part of the path to liberation.
Yet the response to their letter was far from what they had hoped for. There was silence from all but two the Acharyas. One expressed an openness to discuss the issues, while the other chastised them for contacting senior teachers without permission. This response highlighted a rigid hierarchy within the organization, leaving them feeling isolated and disillusioned, a painful realization of how deeply entrenched the culture of silence and avoidance was within the leadership. The sense of disillusionment, juxtaposed against his 35 years of dedicated practice, was profound.
Another issue that became increasingly challenging for Jonathan was the tradition's insistence that their technique was the only contemporary practice that maintained the “pristine purity” of what the Buddha originally taught. Besides being a very questionable claim, he felt that it fostered an environment resistant to change or critique. The insistence on purity, coupled with a fear of deviation from the prescribed path, prevented open dialogue and critical examination of the organization’s policies and culture, as well as its meditation instruction. To Jonathan, this insistence on purity also cultivated a culture of fear within the Organization, where even Senior Teachers were hesitant about speaking openly regarding their doubts, questions or even meditation experiences (that some did voice to him in private), lest they be perceived as not practicing correctly.
Jonathan also raises the issue of the Organization's failure to adequately support practitioners with families. He and Carolyn, as parents of a young child, found it increasingly difficult to maintain the strict practice requirements expected of dedicated practitioners, let alone Assistant Teachers: namely, sitting two hours a day. When they approached the Acharyas, offering to step down due to their inability to meet these requirements, they were surprisingly encouraged to continue in their roles. While this exception offered some relief, it also highlighted the inconsistency and arbitrariness of the Organization's rules, prompting further questions about the leadership and its approach. While it may reflect an adaptation of a traditional monastic model for lay practitioners, for Jonathan, the expectation to maintain such rigorous discipline does not take the complexities of modern, lay life into account. He adds that many old students stop practicing because they cannot meet that standard, and feel there is no alternative.
Even more concerning, Jonathan began to feel that the Organization's narrow focus on the primacy of their method was limiting his own spiritual growth. He felt the technique was too restrictive, especially as he experienced deeper states of meditation that seemed to fall outside the boundaries of what was discussed or encouraged within the Organization—to say nothing of the more advanced instructions he would have liked to receive once he found himself there. On the contrary, there was no space within the tradition to discuss or explore his experiences, as it discourages any departure from the prescribed technique. This realization compounded his growing sense of alienation and frustration.
Leaving the organization was a profoundly painful decision for Jonathan. He had dedicated so many years of his life to the practice; it had shaped his spiritual journey, relationships, and sense of purpose. The realization that he needed to step away from something that had provided him with so much was deeply unsettling. He struggled with feelings of loss, confusion, and grief, knowing that the practice had offered him transformation, yet also recognizing that the very structure that had supported his growth was now limiting it. The deep connection he felt to the teachings, and his respect for Goenka as a teacher, made the choice even harder. He was not simply leaving a meditation technique; he was parting ways with a community that had been central to his life for decades. The emotional weight of this decision lingered heavily, as he knew that walking away from the tradition meant relinquishing his role as a teacher and distancing himself from the community of practitioners who had become like family to him.
“As we close [these sessions], I feel very completed as I was able to share both sides [of the Goenka experience], and they don't contradict each other,” he says. “I am wanting to hold this deep reverence, appreciation, gratitude and a deep sense of benefit that I have received from Goenkaji and from the tradition; with a need to speak out and to be critical, and to hope that the organization will become a more open system and invite civil discourse and dialog and conversation and questioning, and not think that that's going to be a threat to the path of Dhamma.”
We encourage listeners to catch Jonathan’s preview 5 talks on this platform:
· Part 1: Jonathan Crowley begins sharing his spiritual journey, focusing on the transformative effects of his early experiences practicing Vipassana meditation under S. N. Goenka. He reflects on his disillusionment with conventional education, his vow for a simpler life, and how his first retreat profoundly altered his identity and worldview.
· Part 2: Jonathan delves deeper into his experiences of living and serving at a meditation center, exploring the paradoxical challenges of uprooting identity while finding fulfillment through practice. He discusses the personal insights gained during intensive meditation and the transformative impacts of Goenka’s framework, likening it to peeling away layers of the self.
· Part 3: Jonathan's focus during this talk concerns his transition from meditator to teacher. He reflects on the responsibilities of teaching, the challenges of guiding students through transformative experiences, and the complex dynamics of identity and devotion within the tradition.
· Part 4: Jonathan explores the cultural and organizational aspects of his experiences in Myanmar. He reflects on how his exposure to broader Buddhist traditions challenged his earlier perceptions, deepening his understanding of the Dhamma and its variations beyond Goenka’s teachings.
· Part 5: Jonathan discusses how the Goenka organizational structure and culture reflect an anti-intellectual stance and a resistance to critical feedback. He highlights how the use of "ultimate concepts," like the notion of a pure and unassailable Dhamma, often suppresses open dialogue and critical examination.
Additionally, If you enjoyed this discussion, consider listening to similar themes from past episodes:
· Barry Lapping recounts his spiritual journey, detailing how dissatisfaction with conventional life led him to explore yoga and meditation, and ultimately took him to India and the teachings of the Burmese lineage of S. N. Goenka. Barry discusses the profound impact of his first 10-day Vipassana course with Goenka, his admiration for early influences like Munindra, and his eventual commitment to practicing and teaching the Goenka method. He addresses concerns about the perceived insularity of the Goenka tradition, emphasizing its focus on universality, personal transformation through practice, and adherence to the essence of the Buddha’s teachings—morality, concentration, and wisdom—as its primary mission.
· Michael Stein tells of his tumultuous early life marked by loss and rebellion, which ultimately pushed him toward seeking solace and meaning abroad, paralleling the broader search for peace and healing through meditation. His encounters with Vipassana meditation in India, through Goenka’s teaching, highlight the universal appeal of meditation as a tool for self-understanding and resilience, transcending cultural and personal barriers.
· Daniel Mayer describes how his discovery of meditation in the 1970s provided a vital sense of direction and purpose, particularly within the structured discipline of Vipassana as taught by Goenka. His journey through diverse cultural landscapes and his deep respect for Burmese traditions underscore the importance of adaptability and cultural connection in spiritual growth.
· Grahame White recounts his formative spiritual journey, beginning with serendipitous encounters that sparked his interest in meditation and evolving through immersive experiences in the Burmese and Thai traditions. He highlights the profound impact of teachers like SN Goenka, Mahasi Sayadaw, and Anagarika Munindra, emphasizing their dedication and the powerful presence they brought to their teaching environments, which inspired transformative personal and collective growth.
· Friedgard Lottermoser recounts her exposure to Buddhism and meditation during her family’s stay in Burma in the 1960s, a transformative period that profoundly shaped her life. Her experiences of cultural adaptation and spiritual exploration through the teachings of Sayagyi U Ba Khin emphasize the universal human quest for belonging and deeper understanding, as nurtured through meditative practice.